Aristotle said: "Those who can endure loneliness for a long time are not beasts or gods."
As human beings, we always have to contact and interact with others more or less in our lives.
People are inseparable from social interaction in this life.
But at the same time, psychologist Adler also pointed out: "All human troubles come from interpersonal relationships."
Indeed, some people are deeply involved because they are depressed and helpless because of social problems.
But smart people are always able to enjoy themselves in social relationships, not only to help our work and life, but also to gain commendable affection.
When interacting with people, you must remember the following "hidden rules" and be a smart person with a good personal relationship.
Remembering other people’s names at the first meeting makes it easier to get close
Remembering other people's names is the lowest cost social investment.
The word that a person has been in contact with himself for the longest time is probably his name.
The name is not only a sign of a person, but also full of expectations of parents for themselves.
Therefore, everyone maintains a high degree of sensitivity to their own names.
There is a "cocktail party effect" in psychology, also called selective attention.
This is the ability to filter all the rest and focus only on the points that you care about. It is an adaptive ability of the auditory system.
So even in a noisy party, you can still hear others calling your name, even if the voice is very small.
Therefore, the name that can be called affectionately when you know someone not long ago will make the other person feel respected and your favorability will be greatly improved.
No matter how close the relationship is, don’t tell others about your family affairs
As the saying goes, every family has scriptures that are difficult to recite. Everyone's life is different, and no one can intervene in the lives of others.
Especially many people like to talk to friends when they have conflicts with their partners or family disagreements.
However, complaints and complaints cannot solve the problem at all, and may even evolve new problems, and the conflicts become more and more serious.
Affection is private, and exposure to a third party can easily make the problem worse.
A relationship without a sense of boundary is difficult to be happy for a long time. Talking too much about family affairs with outsiders is a disaster for the family.
Therefore, those who are close to each other must grasp the boundaries and do not talk to others about housework.
Use expressing feelings instead of accusations when communicating problems
Language is emotional, and every word you say to others may warm your heart, or hurt others and yourself.
Especially when there is a problem, communication is more likely to be influenced by emotions, over-speaking, and blindly accusing others of faults.
Marshall Luxemburg, an American doctor of psychology, proposed a new way of communication-non-violent communication in his book.
To put it simply, it is to reduce critical language and use expressing feelings instead of accusations.
Accusations and criticism are often the most harmful weapons.
Such violent communication is only a temporary vent of emotions, not only will not solve any problems, but will escalate conflicts and create more negative emotions.
Many times, when emotions are up, we forget that the essence of communication is to solve problems.
Letting the other person hear the real needs behind their emotions is the key.
Replace "How can you do this!" with "I'm sorry for you."
Expressing feelings is easier to be accepted than accusations, and therefore easier to solve problems.
Therefore, when you encounter problems, don't be anxious and criticize, express your feelings and let your needs see is the way to solve the problem.
Complimenting each other in detail can double the effect
American psychologist William James once said: "In human nature, the deepest essence is the desire to be valued by others."
Being praised and praised is the psychological need of everyone, and everyone likes it.
The power of praise is very powerful. Being recognized and valued by others can directly improve a person's happiness.
Praise can always be easy to close the relationship with others.
But, will you really praise it?
Experts praise people, like a spring breeze.
However, some people praise others but appear to be overly deliberate.
We have to learn to observe the strengths of others and to praise from the details, in order to make people feel that this praise is full of sincerity.
Replacing "you are beautiful" with "your big-eyed bling, she looks like a girl with aura" is full of sincerity and makes people more accepting.
Remember to give the people some "repay" who has helped you when you are in trouble
The ancients said: "Know people in adversity, and horses in mud."
A true friend will not only be the icing on the cake, but will also give charcoal in the snow.
Those who are willing to give you a hand when we are in the trough are the rare nobles in our lives.
We should not only express our gratitude, but also act appropriately.
Those who lend money to us, remember to give some interest when repaying the money; those who give us the opportunity, remember to visit us every New Year's Day.
The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. We must always remember the excitement of dawn and the kindness of those who bring us sunshine.
Don’t try to "comfort" your friend when he is crying because of sadness
Many children who fall down do not cry until they wait for adults to come over and care about them.
People are most aggrieved and helpless when they are sad.
At this time you "comforted" him and said: "Yes, you are so pitiful, you are so wronged..."
This kind of wrong "comfort" is like a kind of recognition, making the other person feel upset and letting go of all dissatisfaction and sorrow.
The original grievances were magnified countless times.
Therefore, the more "comforting" a friend, the more sad he is, and the more "comforting" him, the louder he will cry.
The comfort is wrong, and the sadness is doubled.
If you want to really make your friends feel relieved, you must learn to divert your attention when you show a smile.
Find some topics that your friends are interested in and can be happy with, with humorous words, funny or even exaggerated body language, and pinch the other person's smile.
Avoid the tears and poke straight at the smile. Naturally, it is easy to burst into tears and laugh.
"Self-disclosure" can help you build a deep trusting relationship with others
The theory of social penetration holds that:
"Interpersonal communication has two main dimensions: one is the breadth of communication, that is, the scope of communication or exchange; the second is the depth of communication, that is, the level of intimacy."
Self-disclosure is the core of relationship development. It can not only broaden the breadth of communication, but also deepen the depth of communication. It is the "glue" that draws closer relationships between people.
The interaction between people is originally meant to increase intimacy with the deepening of mutual understanding.
Self-disclosure is a kind of show of kindness. I will show you myself, say things I have never said to others, and invite you to join me in a deeper relationship with an open identity.
Then it is easier for the counterparty to open themselves, share and communicate with each other, and the intimacy can be improved.
But we must grasp this degree, reveal ourselves step by step according to the relationship between the two people, get a positive response, and then proceed further.
Regardless of the relationship, to confess all of your family background at once is to show excessive expression, but it makes the relationship between the two easy to branch off.
When a person puts forward a different opinion, your first sentence is: "Don't worry, my idea is..."
The famous philosopher Russell said: "It is the source of happiness that is diverse and diverse."
When others put forward different opinions, don’t think about denying and attacking others’ opinions at the first time. It is impolite to compete blindly. Expressing yourself is the key.
Many things in this world are not only in black and white. There is a touch of blue and a touch of red to form a colorful world.
Avoid ironic and offensive language, learn to respect and understand differences.
Only when you are soft can the world be gentle.
Only when you respect the opinions of others, when you express your opinions, will you be respected by others.
Show your bottom line at the right time
In the process of interacting with people, we will more or less encounter someone who asks ourselves for help, but is unwilling, but dare not refuse.
I'm afraid that this will bring the relationship to an end and reduce my image and status in the eyes of the other party.
So there is no principle, no bottom line to accept other people's suggestions, and go against your own heart.
But a really good relationship is angular, and it is never blindly flattering and paying.
Freud said: "In any relationship, we must dare to keep our boundaries with anger."
When you have principles, others can have a bottom line for you.
Don't be a good person, and show your bottom line when necessary.
In addition to being able to say "good", you can also say "no" at the right time.
The communication between people is a heart-for-heart exchange.
If you open your arms and embrace each other, you will surely feel the warmth of the opposite side.
Learn these 9 unspoken rules of interpersonal relationship, respect others, understand yourself, perfect others, and achieve yourself.
Live up to the sincerity of others, never wronged your sincere intentions.
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